Enemies Closer?

According to Stephen Pressfield, author of The War of Art, "Resistance is the most toxic force on the planet." He defines resistance as self-sabotage and "genius' shadow." Pressfield claims, "To yield to resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be."

You know the old adage, keep your friends close and your enemies closer, well, Pressfield might argue that resistance is the enemy, and he'd tell you to get it as far away from you as possible. More than that, he'd warn you to watch for "a parallel peril that must also be guarded against: sabotage by others."

I have a friend who gave up desserts a few years ago. She was feeling great. Between her personal fitness plan and her altered diet, she felt empowered in her body. Ironically, though, whether attending one of her husband's business dinners or having lunch with close friends, she found that everyone strongly encouraged her to have "just a taste" of the cheesecake, crème brulee, lava cake, etc. Pressfield refers to this as "resistance recruiting allies."

It can be hard, particularly on the people we are closest to, when we begin to shine. Instead of feeling the warmth of our glow, they may perceive it as a glaring spotlight on their personal deficiencies. The dessert-pushers are a silly example, but even they may not have wanted to face their personal lack of will-power, and if they could corrupt my friend with "just a taste," resistance would win.

As you create and grow that which feeds your soul, that which is inside of you wanting to burst out, you will not only face your own resistance, but that of those around you. Yikes! How do you move forward, if the people who care most about you aren't supporting your efforts? If your spouse, parent, or best friend feels threatened by your success, does this mean you should fail simply to keep everyone comfortable?

I've learned to ask myself these questions: Do I deserve to succeed? Do I have the right to share and manifest all that I have within me? Essentially, do I have the right to exist? Because, at the end of the day, being all of who I am meant to be is about my existence, just as it is about yours.

As a transition coach, I see this struggle often! Living from the essential self and allowing your gifts within to support the emergence of the most outstanding version of you, changes the playing field. And sometimes it feels like the only two options are to slide back to the old pattern, allowing "genius' shadow" to win. Or shut out everyone who ever cared about you, so that you can have what you really want. Ouch! Both of those extremes sound painful.

Enter a third option: provide an example of what's possible, by living it. Pressfield suggests, "The best and only thing that one artist can do for another is serve as an example and an inspiration." And in her famous quote, Marianne Williamson says, "...as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

So be the beacon! Know that those who are dearest may occasionally behave like the enemy. Remember, what they most want and need to know is that they, too, can live to their full potential. It is their right, as much as it is yours. And every time you beat "resistance" you evidence the possibilities. In that moment, you choose your right to exist, and you extend a hand to those around you, inviting them to join you in doing the same.

I suggest keeping your beloved enemies (who have been recruited by resistance) closer, because the warmth of your glow will shine most brightly on them. And maybe, as you lead by example, it will help to thaw their resistance, too!

Glowing on friends and enemies alike,
Joanne Lutz