Third Option Coaching

Should I stay or should I go? So many life choices seem to boil down to either/or decisions.

I don’t believe that for a minute!

The world is not black and white, nor is it just shades of gray.

There is fuschia, tangerine, indigo, poppy red, forest green, and more.

Third Option Coaching is about moving beyond this or that or middle-of-the-road compromise. It is about opening to a completely different perspective, and stepping into the technicolor world of unlimited possibility.  And this often begins with establishing a new paradigm of self-trust.

My first taste of learning to trust myself happened at a workshop I attended, in my mid 20’s.  As the child of a schizophrenic mom and divorced parents, I experienced a myriad of trauma in my young life.

I’d learned how to think very fast.  I could perceive all potential ports of danger, and attempt to fend against hurt and harm.  Except, this left me stranded in my head.  And there, I only ever found fight or flight.

At this workshop, one of the facilitators sat behind me on the floor, inviting me to lean into her.  Then she said, “What's happening in your body, sweetie?”

My what?!  In that moment, I had absolutely no idea what she was asking.

I didn’t know, then, that my body had information to share with me.  That there was a Third Option - beyond fight or flight - to be with myself in the moment, in my body, noticing what sensations arose. 

And in that awakening, I learned one step toward self-trust and safety.

If years ago, someone had asked me if I would like to move toward self-trust, I would have answered, “I already do trust myself.”  And, after 20+ years of various therapies, I meant it.  At least as I understood trust at that time, I meant it.

Then, another one of my guides supported an expanded understanding of what self-trust might mean.  This is what happened: 

My husband and I were experiencing a challenging time in our relationship.  My coach asked, "Do you trust your husband?"

I paused.  Took a breath, and said, “Well, trust is always between me and me, right?”

“Oh, you're a slippery one!  That’s a clever way of not answering the question.  Which tells me you don’t trust him,” she said.

“I don't know.  I just think, no matter what I say, he tries to mix it up with me,” I explained.

“Yup, I hear you.  And how do you feel when that happens?”

“I feel like he doesn’t see me or hear me!”

“Right, I get it, but that's not a feeling.  How do you feel, emotionally, when you believe he doesn't see or hear you?”

At this point, I started sobbing, “Oh, I feel angry, and afraid, and so, so sad.”

My guide gave a lot of space for me to feel those emotions.  Later, she helped me with the next step.  “If you don't trust yourself to be with your own feelings, how can you trust anyone else with them?”

I’d been so busy trying to avoid the anger, fear, and sadness I felt, because I believed it meant I was failing.  After all of the personal growth work I’d done, I still couldn’t get it right?

In fact, giving myself space, to feel my emotions, shifted my paradigm.  I moved, from believing I needed to experience life a particular way, to accepting myself and whatever I felt.  That kind of self-love, reminded me that I could be safe with myself, and that step changed my life, yet again. 

In the Third Option Coaching work, we’ll begin with however you’re struggling in the moment.  We may dip into your past, conducting a bit of soul retrieval, because sometimes, there are parts of ourselves who either like to drive the bus without a license, or are being dragged along, like cans behind a wedding car, getting beaten up just for existing.  Whatever we discover, those aspects will be gently picked up, dusted off, and lovingly given a safe space inside the vehicle. This process lets other parts of your deep-self know they are safe to come home, and that, itself, is a kind of magic.