Unfinished Business
I have to fess up. I started writing this column three different times over the past year. Even as I type these words, I'm giggling; you'll understand why as you read.
This month, my step-daughter, Julia, will graduate from high school. Last May, Joe, my step-son, graduated from college. With these accomplishments, they have inked in big check marks for life's list of "To Do's" and marked a new stage of their lives. Not all "To Do's" are as monumental as graduation. But whether you finish folding the laundry, put the final touches on a big project, or bring closure to an unresolved issue in a relationship, a sense of energized fullness follows each completion.
Many support and education programs have the tidying up of unfinished business as one of their foundation blocks. Landmark participants are encouraged to seek out resolutions in relationships when something has been left unsettled, because open wounds fester, and infect other aspects of our lives. Alcoholics Anonymous includes "making amends" as one of its twelve steps - to take responsibility for one's own actions and bring closure to past hurts. The final day of What's Next?! Workshop includes a ritual designed to bring conscious transformation to burdens we have carried, as we step toward our personal growth and true purpose.
If you can relate to the concept of leaving things undone, I offer you a challenge. Take a few minutes and get in touch with just one thing that feels incomplete.
Now, spend the next moment noticing the sensations in your body that accompany the unfinished business. For me it's akin to a soggy blanket hanging over me, drip, drip, dripping as a discomforting reminder. Carrying the weight of this blanket drains my energy and, depending upon how important the matter, can render me paralyzed to accomplish even the simplest tasks.
Next, ask yourself: Do I want to continue carrying this burden of unfinished business? Here's a hint: the default answer is "yes." If you try to ignore, stuff, or dismiss this burden, you already know exactly what to expect - you've been living it, and may continue to for as long as you like. That's okay, just know what you're choosing.
If the answer is "no," are you willing to tap into your courageous self and commit to some manner of completion. This does not mean that the matter is done "perfectly"...whatever that might mean to you...rather, it's a means of taking action to bring about a sense of closure. Here are a couple of simple examples.
Unresolved relationships:
Write a letter conveying all of your feelings, everything that has been left unsaid; then, burn the letter and transform the energy. Letting yourself have a voice is for YOU and affords completion.
Bring closure to a disagreement by speaking your microscopic truth using "I" statements - take ownership for your part of the discord - without blame, simply owning your part.
Long term commitments:
How important is this mission right now? If it is truly a top priority, give yourself 15 minutes every morning to work on it. This may mean 15 minutes of pulling weeds, meditating, or several paragraphs of your novel. Whatever the task, you will feel energized by the steps you are taking toward completion. (If this task appears near the bottom of your list, allow yourself to put it on a shelf and stop carrying the energy-draining burden around with you.)
Notice the milestones as you run the marathon. Each step is a completion. If you only see the big picture, you may feel overwhelmed. Julia didn't get through school by thinking, "just 12 more years" when she was in kindergarten. She did it test by test, class by class, semester by semester. Break your goal into smaller parts and appreciate your every accomplishment to fuel your next step.
If you're like me, you might start an article about unfinished business last May and put it in a file. Feel inspired again a few months later...begin...and move on. Finally, when the marinade is fully infused, you'd write this column and giggle over the irony.
Energized by this completion,
Joanne Lutz