Addictive Therapies
When it comes to personal growth work, I am a "Lifer." I just can't imagine a time when I'd settle into complacency about my own development as who I truly be. I get that not everyone feels the same way. If we all held the same beliefs it might be a little boring.
I've had friends ask, "how will you know when you're done?" And I find myself remembering the quote from Richard Bach's, Illusions, "Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't." That's pretty much how I feel about my own emotional and spiritual development. I'm here, I might as well make the most of the experiences, even the challenging ones (some might argue, especially the challenging ones), because these are the wisdom opportunities - the chances to learn about and be more ME!
Why, then, would I call this post "Addictive Therapies?" One friend likes to remind me that anything can be perverted - she's absolutely right. Over the years I have supported myself with therapy, coaching, workshops, body work, energy work, psychic insights, meditation, journaling...the list goes on, but you get the picture. I'm open to both new and familiar modalities that encourage me to stretch and manifest my best self. So, what could be the problem?
Every once in a while I get caught in a pattern. I get to a certain point, and I stall. I don't mean, I rest. Nor do I mean that I plateau. I hit what Gay Hendricks refers to as an "Upper Limit Problem." I maybe get a little scared, and I put up a road block. From behind this barrier, I see only what I expect to see, instead of being open to something more. When I'm this kind of stuck, I may use one modality or another in an addictive way to go away from me. Maybe avoiding the feelings hidden beneath the surface and tucked in a corner - feelings that may benefit from the gleam of my own flashlight.
I am talented enough to hit this wall and pervert any modality. Some of us are quite gifted! To my relief, I witness others on this same merry-go-round. Folks who twist meditation into a way to go away from self instead of inward towards self. Others who get high on the workshop environment and can't wait for their next "fix," avoiding the more mundane, sustaining work of integrating the learning into daily life. Those who journal to allow room for their own feelings to be heard, and get caught using the space to go round and round on the hamster wheel of victimhood - how they've been done wrong, and it's never going to change; and some who pray to a higher power to reinforce helplessness, rather than bolstering trust and faith.
In the moments of perversion, I believe we become a little bit addicted to the healing tools designed to support us. When I notice I'm using the tool in an addictive fashion - feeding the beast I know, rather than exploring something new, I pause and get curious. Hmm...what is it that I'm hiding from myself? What kind of protection am I relying on this pattern to offer me in this moment? And, is that something I'd like to explore, with my eyes wide open? Uggh...Lifer that I am, the answer to that last question is usually yes...which can be so very annoying, because there are times when my stalled state feels comfortable. Well, perhaps not comfortable, but so ancient and familiar...stupid contract with self...alright, what's under there?!
How are you using your tools? Are you as talented as me? If so, I encourage both gentleness and curiosity toward yourself. We can only see what we need to see, when we are ready to see it. Sometimes that could mean a few turns on the merry-go-round, and that's okay. Remember, when your readiness and willingness meet, change will happen. You'll know, because the addiction stops feeling like an ally, and you are free of self-blame for ever having jumped on the ride.
With gentleness and curiosity,
Joanne Lutz