Celebrating Humanity
Jimmy Fallon hosting NBC's "The Tonight Show"
In the last few weeks, I have seen several news items that remind me of reasons to celebrate our humanity. If you are familiar with the work of Brenee Brown, you know that vulnerability opens the door to intimacy and the richness within each of us (you may know this even if you've never heard of Brenee Brown!).
Another aspect of Brown's work concerns shame. Different from guilt - a feeling of having done something wrong - when we feel shame, we hold a belief that there is something wrong with our very being. Shame offers amazing tell-tale signs:
Shame attaches to a secret. Consider what secrets you hold, and why. If you feel you must keep that part of you or that experience hidden, that is often the voice of shame.
Shame manifests common postures. Notice when the head drops down, avoiding eye contact, but more than that, attempting NOT to be seen. Similarly, when a feeling of shame arises, we often cover our face in some way. It may be just a hand casually covering the mouth or it could be a full face immersed in two hands.
To avoid feeling our emotions - the ones we believe need to be secret (which triggers the shame response) we get numb. This, in particular, is an aspect that Brown discusses at length. She reminds us of the impossibility of numbing only "some" of our feelings. If we attempt to avoid feeling the hurt, sadness, fear, betrayal, and anger, we simultaneously numb out our ability to feel joy, love, excitement, abundance, and expansiveness.
So, what are we celebrating? A few weeks ago, Hillary Clinton spoke in Las Vegas. During the keynote address, a woman threw a shoe at the former Secretary of State. If you haven't viewed Clinton's reaction, it might be worth seeing. We have the rare opportunity to witness a series of unscripted, genuine moments, from fear (well, at least startled) to humor, and maybe even a bit of anger packaged in some tactful humor. While Clinton did shield her eyes to see the crowd, she never covered her face. Shameless!
Another viral video clip features the "Happy" artist, Pharrell Williams, crying tears of joy - and simply reveling in the sense of overwhelming emotion, during an interview with Oprah. While Williams does spend a few moments covering his face, trying to get it together, mostly, he lets us in to witness his wet face and red-rimmed eyes, because that's what's real in the moment. Vulnerable!
The next clip, while scripted, still seems to evoke authentic feelings from the speaker. If you haven't seen it, this features the newest host of The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon, introducing himself on the first night of his new gig. This particular segment evidences moments of pride, joy, humor, and gratitude, and if you've ever seen Fallon on screen during a sketch for his own show or Saturday Night Live, you'll notice, he simply cannot hide his feelings. He giggles, when he's supposed to be serious, often throwing off his cohorts, because the emotion within simply bubbles out of him. I know, Fallon's an actor, so I could be cynical and believe that effervescence is only for show, but I believe it's often real, and like all of these videos, his shameless humanity touches mine - creating intimacy - or as Iyanla Vanzant says, "in-to-me-see!"
Remembering that the way to truly connect to ourselves and others is through our unique and powerful vulnerability, enlivens me. Seeing people on the internet, in my office, or at the grocery store showing up as who they truly be - allowing themselves to be seen in all that glory - inspires me, again and again, to do the same. For me, it's important to have these reminders, because being vulnerable, like anything, requires practice. Witnessing others and feeling the resonance within my own being, reminds me that, despite the discomfort, it is absolutely worth it - and worth celebrating!
With love and vulnerability,
Joanne Lutz