That Door Thing

The doors of my life dance open and shut close in frequent, irregular intervals. 

The ongoing message I receive is this: "Avoid holding on too tightly. And, stay open to the magic."

During my first stint volunteering at the Dell Cheetah Centre in South Africa, I discovered a surprising daily assignment - caring for the bunnies. Dozens of rabbits inhabited five garage-type bays, at the far end of the farm property. Each morning we fed, watered, and tended the many hopping fur balls. In the language of the Create-Sustain-Destroy cycle, we offered them sustenance.

Once a week, we completely cleaned out each enclosure to ensure the bunnies shared a clean living environment and remained healthy. Every couple of weeks, a swap took place. The farm staff went through a process of moving some of the long-eared creatures from one bay to another. This action encouraged the bunnies to participate in creating more, healthy progeny.

On Sundays, the cheetahs received only bones as a meal.  

This break in the habitual daily feeding, created greater alignment with a cheetah's natural eating pattern. In the wild, they didn't always catch the prey they sought. So, once a week, cheetahs received less to eat. Every so often, their diet would get rattled in a different kind of way, instead of the typical chopped, raw meat, they received an entire bunny (already deceased). This concluded the life cycle for the rabbit, while sustaining the cheetah.

Each part of the circle mattered. This is true in all things. Every portion of the Create-Sustain-Destroy cycle holds equal value; however, most of us excel at only one aspect. If we're lucky, and have put some effort into it, we might be proficient at two of the three stages. And, in our humanity, we usually fumble at least one part of the pie, and require support to complete the loop.

Folks often don't like the "Destroy" moniker, mis-perceiving it as violent. Understand, "Destroy" brings something to an end, as all things eventually must. And sometimes, we even Destroy to Create - pulling apart something old, and repurposing it to be a new creation...think T-shirts into a quilt.

Here's the tricky thing about this cycle: we must actively engage in all three parts, again and again, to allow magic and transformation.   

With a life comprised of many parallel experiences day-to-day, we engage different aspects of the cycle simultaneously for these various goings-on. Participating in, and surrendering to, this flow creates space for magic. When we hold too tightly, to any one part of the circle, we block the movement. We attempt to shape the outcome, to match our agenda, rather than welcoming something greater than we might imagine.

My Dell roommate, Denise, used to cuddle the little thumpers, during bunny feeding time. She regularly threatened to tuck them in her pockets and shuttle them back to England with her. Denise made the error many new farmers make, naming some of her favorites. In turn, she blanched in horror, witnessing the rabbits sustaining the cheetahs. She attached to the sustaining and creating part of the bunny life cycle, and shunned the necessary destroy portion.

I've certainly been guilty of the same - just not rabbit related.  

My personal slice of strength, in the Create-Sustain-Destroy pie, is Create. That's the one I lean into with the greatest of ease. While there is certainly effort, in fact, I pour lots of energy into my creations; it remains most natural for me to execute. My second tier, which I've developed significant musculature for over the years, is Destroy. I willingly end things that don't work for me, and strive to listen to the inner voices, when I'm told it's time to bring something to a close (well, except for when I don't listen - that always results in pain). Sustain is, by far, the hardest part of the circle for me. What I have learned to do (unconsciously, and still, it works for me!) is to attract sustainers into my life. These are folks who, unwittingly provide a model of what it looks like to maintain something over a period of time. I effectively "borrow" from the sustaining energy that ripples out of them, and apply it to my own world, as needed.

Still, there's a bit of Denise in me. For example, falling down on my inner "Destroy" directive, when I held so tightly to my Lexington office - months after I knew it was time to sell. I attached to the outcome I wished for (keeping /sustaining the office and reviving my in-person practice), thus ignoring the natural cycle in play. I held tightly to my agenda for about three months, during which my creative juices dried up, and I often felt an unexplained, heavy blanket of sadness weighing on me.

Then the universe offered me a taste of vision. 

In January 2021, my husband and I drove, with our cats, down to Florida for a month's stay. While there, we entertained the idea of buying a condo in the neighborhood. Our friend, Tim, already planted this seed months before. A co-op unit became available in the building where he and his husband own a place, and he thought it would be fun to have us as neighbors. We considered it briefly; however, their cooperative didn't allow cats, so we put the kibosh on that notion.

Except, the idea must have taken root! Because, while we rented that January, we began looking at condominiums in buildings that DID allow cats. After experiencing months of quarantine the previous year, and as Covid continued to flare - with no apparent end in sight - we sought a refuge. Over the years, we'd opened ourselves to greater adventures: rafting through the Grand Canyon, retreating in Costa Rica, visiting Australia, volunteering in South Africa, and the wild ride that was Sri Lanka - just to name a few. And then, because of the pandemic, we found ourselves driving to Florida instead of flying someplace exotic. We watched friends make plans to travel, only to have those arrangements cancelled again and again, as other countries shut down to navigate - yet another - serious threat to its people. Even if we could find a safe-ish, interesting destination, what if we couldn't get back home?

So, the idea of owning a place in Florida gained traction. Except, as I began to crunch the numbers, I couldn't see my way through, while also sustaining my physical office. That's when I realized, it truly was time to pull the plug, and destroy what I'd created in that space.

I took the actions necessary to sell the office, while never knowing if we'd ever buy a place in Florida.  

The gifted vision opened me to this magic: "What becomes possible if I sell (aka destroy) the office?" Note, quite different from attaching to the outcome of: "I'm selling the office, so we can buy a condo in Florida."

Within days of passing papers on my office, Mark received an early morning text, from the realtor who'd been showing us properties in Sunny Isles Beach. "I'm listing unit 604 tomorrow. Maybe you'd be interested." We boarded a 6pm flight that night.

The next day, we saw the listing he spoke of, and two other units. The prices had risen significantly in the six months since we began the process. Had my office already been sold in January (if I'd listened to the inner voice in October), we might have purchased a bigger unit for less money! Alas, that was not our journey, which I'm totally good with, because I've learned: "I cannot do it wrong. Whatever happens, I will learn something."

Ultimately, we did purchase one of those three places.  

In the beginning, we believed the unit needed mostly cosmetics: one new interior wall (to replace the snazzy mirrored sliding doors...yikes!), elimination of the grotesque 1980's era wall-to-wall carpet, smoothing out the popcorn ceilings, and a coat of fresh paint. As we met with contractor after contractor, we began to realize, construction in Sunny Isles is a beast! Mark proposed we bite the financial bullet and renovate the kitchen along with the other slated work. I initially resisted. We were already spending so much money. And then I got on board with that add-on, and more...much, much more.

We closed on "Our Hiatus" (as we lovingly refer to it) in late July 2021. 

After months of searching, we secured a great contractor, received our building permits, and embarked on the work in January 2022. For many months, we dove into a wide and deep pool of creativity to manifest a place that feels like us. On August 5th, the movers delivered a bunch of furniture - many pieces recycled from my Lexington office (destroy to create). We are still working on making it our own with personal touches, and will likely be doing so for as long as the space is ours. Meanwhile, our first guests arrive November 1st, allowing us to share what we've created with those we love - sustaining the unit for our continued enjoyment - until it's time to destroy this segment of our lives.

It's that door thing, right? When one door closes, another opens. I must be ready and willing to engage in all parts of the Create-Sustain-Destroy cycle - free of agenda! Simply watching for when and where the doors dance open and shut - inviting me to play and welcome what the universe might offer to me. If I hold too tightly to what I believe should be on the other side of the door, I miss the magic within. Fortunately, the doors keep dancing, I need only listen for the music and be willing to stumble to the beat.

May you free-style with your own doors, remembering the fullness of the circle of life.  

When you discover your personal "weak link" in the cycle (because most of us have at least one!), consider seeking support to smooth out the bumpy parts you find difficult to manifest. None of us are good at everything, and that's okay! We get to ask for help in the places we find ourselves resisting and staggering into the doors.

With love and a shimmy,

Joanne