Sloth-like Defenses
While in Costa Rica a couple of months ago, I fell in love with the creatures of the jungle. Among them was the three-toed sloth. I knew nothing about this animal of the anteater family until my husband caught sight of one at the base of a massive mahogany tree about 10 feet from the house we'd rented. When he spotted the creature on our first day, I ran to get my camera. She politely waited for me. When I returned with digital device in hand, I received a look of "Are you ready? It's time for me to climb now." (that's her in the photo above)
Then, ever so slowly she hooked her claws on the vines that covered the tree. One painstaking reach at a time, our neighboring sloth made her way into the canopy of leaves, moss, and vines, until she disappeared from view. Her camouflage, so complete, once we lost sight of her, we never spied her again over the next week.
We later learned, at the Jaguar Rescue Center, sloths only come down from their trees about once a week to defecate. Even if their babies fall from the tree, they will only be retrieved if it coincides with a cyclical descent. Already feeling grateful for the sloth's visit, I then realized how lucky we had been to witness her ascent.
Given how slowly sloths move (about 6.5 feet per minute), it's a wonder they don't face extinction. In particular, the three-toed variety of sloth is considered a prehistoric animal; it has no sharp teeth (an herbivore) and its genitalia reside within the body instead of outside. So, how does a prehistoric being survive in the modern-day world?
In addition to a coat of natural camouflage, a sloth's stillness encourages moss growth on the fur - Harry Potter's invisibility cloak couldn't do a better job in the jungle. As further protection, parasites nestle in to feed on the moss resulting in an apparently dormant, smelly, moss covered creature that predatory animals find unappetizing!
Sound like any humans you know? To fend off attraction, or in some cases to attract attention as a diversionary tactic, we manage to find our own brand of moss and parasites. We may carry extra weight, withdraw into shyness in social situations, proclaim judgments on others or regularly pronounce the glass as half empty. Depending upon your particular symbiotic relationship with this first glance defense, you may drink to excess, gregariously make everything into a joke, or physically present yourself as version of Lisbeth Salander.
What do all of these things have in common with the sloth? No one gets closer. The predators may stay away, but so do the companions. A female sloth births only one baby a year, but can go well over a year before finding a male to mate with, because neither one leaves their own tree. So while I love my three-toed sloth friends, I'm aware that their prehistoric nature does not provide a positive role model for an abundant human life. We thrive on the connection to ourselves and others. It doesn't serve our humanity to wrap too deftly in our defenses, because they stave off potential engagement with others in our species.
Think about what happens when we only show the defense. Even if someone is brave enough to get past the smell, and curious enough to stick around a while, we may feel scared to drop the camouflage. And yet, only when we reveal our true selves - our essence within, does the richness of relationship and the experience of being truly seen even become possible.
Wondering how this relates to you? Sit for a minute with your connections to others. Do you feel you are being your most authentic self? If so, dynamite! Then allow your curiosity to gently examine your "exterior package" and notice if you require your dear ones to get past a little moss before they get to you. Do you genuinely want/need that moss?
If you find that you're not experiencing the connections you desire, begin with envisioning how you would like to experience yourself differently. If you met you, how would you treat yourself? Would you find the person in the mirror easily accessible? Does that person share their vulnerability with you? Begin by having the relationship with yourself that you seek in another. That act of self compassion will likely encourage the parasites to find another feeding ground, and a whole new world may open to you.
With love and curiosity,
Joanne Lutz