Now You See Me…
Every so often I come across a detailed description of what it means to be an introvert. The meticulously described traits resonate strongly with me, and what causes me to laugh out loud is this: in my experience, extroverts can't even stand to read the prose about introverts. Don't ask me why that's so hilarious, but it seems to be nature's version of an April Fool's Day prank. And to me, that's just funny!
Extroverts, if you're reading this, don't go away yet, because I'm not going drag you down with the nitty-gritty of how we introverts recharge our batteries or behave in relation to others. What I find myself more interested in these days is finding the truth of one's inner balance between introversion and extroversion.
If you lean toward extroversion, you likely enjoy meeting new people. You may prefer many "handshake" conversations with a variety of folks, over one long intense tête-à-tête in the corner. And best of all, you may experience a mood elevation - a personal refueling, simply by surrounding yourself with a crowd.
Each of these behaviors evidences an extroverted personality - totally cool. Here's the thing, though. If you shake a lot of hands to avoid intimacy or you suck the energy out a room vampirically, you've just crossed over to a defensive position. If you utilize your natural tendencies to protect you from people getting too close or having still time for listening to your own feelings, the extroverted traits actually betray the essence of you.
Likewise, if you (like me), feel fine talking intimately with one person or public speaking to a group, except you hide in the bathroom rather than make small talk (I've only ever threatened to do this...so far). If you claim your "me time" is essential, but it's become a form of isolation, so that you never need to sit in a room full of people, for fear of a limiting belief that you will feel drained and alone, you, too have crossed over to the dark side of your introverted nature. From this place, you've twisted the authentic truth of your Self, and hidden it behind a variety of behaviors that serve to protect you from feeling uncomfortable.
Essentially, on either end of the spectrum, you experience a loss of Self - a masking of your essence - because it becomes covered with the "ism." Extrovertism or Introvertism - okay, they may not be real words, but you get the picture. Anything pure can be doctored to death, and become a cartoonish version of itself.
So, whether you fall into the introvert or extrovert category, spread your wings a bit. The idea that you must be the other is false! Susan Cain offers a powerful TED Talk about the importance of both introverts and extroverts authentically being themselves in our society. However, if you hide behind your label, you do yourself and the rest of us a disservice, because you never get seen for who you truly are, and we are deprived of seeing you.
If you ever saw the film, "The Family Stone," there's a line, "You have a freak flag. You just don't fly it." In fact, we all have such a flag, only there is nothing "freaky" about it; it's just about being our most authentic self - the one we sometimes keep hidden beneath the labels and perceived expectations. For the new year, I invite you to allow yourself to be seen, even when it feels unfamiliar and a bit uncomfortable. Because, as Oscar Wilde said, you might as well, "be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
One last note to the introverts: I had this amusing thought. Since we consistently turn up in the minority, we could begin a support group - except we'd hate having to socialize at the meetings. Funny, right?
With love from an introvert,
Joanne Lutz