Human Being
Five weeks ago marked the last time I sat with a client in my office. With the power of Zoom and the phone, I am still working. One might think I'd be busier than ever, because there's such uncertainty, and generally we humans fear the unknown. But, of course, for me and my husband - like many of you - only the foggy crystal ball holds the mysteries about how money will flow as we cross this strange bridge together.
For many, money is akin to survival. And survival fear, understandably, leads some folks to hold back a bit on spending where it might be helpful. To that end, I've been continuing with the "Third Option Wisdom" video series, with the hope each may offer a tool and bit of solace to those in need. Further, I've just uploaded my first "Third Option Wisdom" podcast. If you are among those who would appreciate support navigating this unusual time, and don't feel financially confident to request a solo session, I extend the gift of this podcast to you.
Clients and friends I have spoken with, during this window of crisis, share a few common themes of experience. One of these relates to a lack of productivity. Note, this is a topic that comes up regularly, sans pandemic, only then it's shaped a bit differently. At this time, with business as usual screeched to a halt, finding so many home and unable to get the "normal" things done, we begin to recognize how closely we've tied our identity to what we achieve. I used to live in this pool of identity. These days, I trip and fall in occasionally, or at least dip my toes in to see if I like it any better. I can tell you; it never works out for me.
The essence of the challenge is this: when we attach our value to what we DO instead of who we BE, we effectively tell ourselves we don't matter. Because, if you ONLY matter based on what you last accomplished, you will constantly be chasing the next thing to do. This cycle becomes a hamster wheel of busy. Several things might happen on this wheel:
We might become addicted to the adrenaline. If we can just keep moving, we think it feels good, or at the very least, necessary. And we begin to believe we must always be busy doing something. Our identity - or in an extreme case, a belief about our very survival - gets tied up with the addiction.
We may experience physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion - a kind of burn out. We've kept the pace up for so long, and we wonder, "Is this all there is? Will it never be different?" The irony of that question is that it's asked from the position of victim, as though there is no choice. And I get it, sometimes it truly seems like there is no choice, except - there is always the option to pause, breathe, and get still. I don't mean you need to meditate for hours every day, but there is always some space that can be found for a bit of stillness, should you desire it. And making that choice moves the needle from victim to empowered.
Some think they only have value, if they are of some evident use. Without a purpose - something to do - they are at sea. This one strikes me as both mysterious and heart-wrenching. This person (and I've managed to be all three of these people at different stages - or days! - in my life) has forgotten that (s)he is a spark of the universe. Not knowing what you are here to contribute is irrelevant. Showing up, fully, authentically as you, IS the contribution. There is NO thing to do. It's not about living to fulfill a purpose; it's about living on purpose, and this essential wisdom gets lost in the busy-ness of completing tasks.
On my website, I make a claim about what I offer as a Transition Coach & Life Guide: "Reminding you of who you be, so you may live your best possible life!" Those who are sensitive to grammar (myself included) initially cringe at this butchering of the English language. Mr. Marino, who fervently taught me sentence structure in the seventh grade, would undoubtedly call me mean names, if he knew. Still, I maintain the flawed prose, because we are human beings - not human doings, and far too often we forget this elemental truth.
Enter the current world situation, the time of quarantine. Maybe you're working from home, so you're adjusting to this new world order, but you manage to maintain your grasp on that sense of accomplishment. Still, this applies to you!
Perhaps your pre-pandemic routine found you accomplishing outside of the house. And without a daily destination, you see no way to effectively contribute to your workplace or volunteer role. Yet, sitting at home leaves you climbing the walls or crawling into bed - seeking some kind of escape.
Some of us are accustomed to being home. We may have learned how to carve out space and stillness. Our value is not measured by crossing tasks off the list; however, we're no longer the ONLY ones home. Suddenly, we suffer the loss of our traditional "being" time.
A lovely tribute to those risking their lives everyday, to care for the rest of us.
'Thank U Frontline' by Chris Mann (Alanis Morissette)
If you are among those out in the world, risking your own health to keep us afloat, I truly thank you. And, even you deserve a few moments of stillness. It's a way to replenish your stores of energy, that may be vaporously depleted right now.
Whatever camp you land in - and you may travel from camp to camp, or you might have a scenario not included above - I believe you're being issued an invitation. This wild situation we face across the globe pokes holes in the weak economy, failed health systems, and a wake-up call about what jobs are essential. More personally, each of us likely senses some inner demon or trigger looming. One that has often been kept at bay by keeping busy. It could be the very act of staying occupied and getting things done, that YOU are being invited to explore and shift, from your current operating paradigm of "human doing" to one of a "human being."
Sometimes it works best to borrow words from another. I'm snagging these from both James Corden & the cast of "Dear Evan Hansen."
I want you to know, you're not alone in whatever struggle you are currently facing. Your demons - your personal challenges, that have magnified 1,000-fold during this world crisis - don't take away from the essential magic of who you are! Rather, with this virus, I believe the universe has extended a hand to you, saying, "It's okay. You don't need to hide behind this anymore. That old way keeps dust on your shine, and we need you to be all of who you are. This is a safe space to take that risk, because everyone is going through it together."
I don't mean that the pandemic is not horrific in many ways. I just also believe that all things can be used to serve our highest and greatest good, even when we can't make sense of them. If your challenge is settling into getting still, and honoring your human (and humane) right to "be" instead of "do," try it on! Know that, if it's new, it will likely be uncomfortable. Take it out for a walk and break it in a bit. Devote this time to shifting the habit. I believe in you, even when you forget to believe in yourself.
With love and encouragement,
Joanne Lutz
