Decisions, Decisions
“It’s in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. Choose well.”
Last month my step-daughter moved back home from D.C. mid-year through her freshman experience at George Washington University. Her mom and dad struggled tremendously with this decision. She heard everything from, "I think it's a mistake; you should finish what you started." to "You've just got to tough it out." and "No social scenario is going to make my daughter decide that she wants to leave school." And who knows, maybe they were right. From my perspective she'd finally dropped in and operated from more clarity than I've witnessed since she started touring colleges two years ago.
Teenagers experience such pressure to complete the college applications, get accepted by as many schools as possible, and above all land a space in their "dream school." And yet, these kids are still new. They just arrived in the world umpteen years ago and the expectations of and for these amazing young people astound me.
All of this got me thinking...this doesn't stop upon graduation. The drive to look successful, own the best car, make the most money, buy the biggest house, meet, marry, and raise a family with the perfect spouse...goes on and on...uggh! Where, in this model, is the space to "be" to explore, to allow space for unexpected experiences and not label those as "bad?"
I have a friend who says, "If you set an intention for yourself - not an agenda or a resolution, but an intention - and allow yourself to see it, feel it, and smell it, your moment-to-moment decisions will be guided by this intention." What if that's what we taught our kids? Heck, what if that's what we created space for in ourselves, because modeling provides a strong teacher, and it would be nice to reap the benefits of our own wisdom.
So, here's the mission, should you choose to accept it (yes, I just saw that movie). For a moment let go of the "should, shouldn't, must, have-to-or-else" language, and become aware of what you might want for yourself. Go beyond what you think you can have, and allow yourself to fully imagine what could be possible, without all of the expectations you place on yourself daily. Truly visualize it, feel the air there, hear the sounds in that space, be in the possibility.
Then, check in, what did that feel like in your body, spirit, and mind? If, in that space, you had everything you could ever want, but still didn't feel comfortable in your own skin, it makes sense. It's new; give it another go. Open to the possibility beyond what you believe its okay for you to have.
And if you're willing, allow yourself a few moments of connecting with those possibilities each day. This becomes the intention, and the feeling of connection to self and others you experience in your land of possibilities will inform your moment to moment decisions. Does this mean there will be no wobbles? Of course not! Welcome the wobbles, be curious about them, learn from the wobbles - both the lessons they may teach and the new found self-compassion that allows space for other possibilities to come forth. In turn, there's not an attachment to the intention; there is simply space for it.
One of my mentors used to tell me, "With new information, you can make different decisions." This notion holds great power for me. I don't need to attach to a singular path; I have the ability to learn and use that new wisdom to guide me toward my personal intention. I believe that's what my step-daughter learned. She has more information now, and with that, she may steer her own ship toward her island of intention.
May you create space for lots of new information to guide you toward your possibilities.
With love and wobbles of my own,
Joanne Lutz