Acts of Violence
While hard to imagine strapping a bomb to my body, walking into a public place, and setting off the triggering mechanism. I am no better than those who have.
I would like to believe no such action would ever be a part of my life experience, and yet it is at a distance...and then not so distant. I am not writing specifically about any particular event or group of people. I offer a perspective of humanity: mine, yours, and ours. Because while we are individuals, existing in separate human form, we are also one.
Yeah, yeah, I know - it's a little philosophical for a Tuesday, but stay with me a moment.
I cannot count the number of emotional bombs I've set off in my lifetime. The acts of violence toward myself and others, which include my husband and step-children, my friends and family, even employees of Best Buy and Bertucci's. Some of these people I profess to love, and yet, I tell you now, I have not and do not, always behave in accordance with my own words.
When I attach to a belief of being factually or morally correct and reign tyranny to win my argument, or if I use precious inner resources to compare myself to another...or one situation to another...I enact a violence that does not make it on television, but truly, it's equally as insidious. Perhaps no one fears my wrath as they would a suicide bomber, but if you ask those closest to me, I can guarantee they have been deeply hurt by actions I've taken. And similarly, I have suffered. I have given away my peace and well-being to make a point. I have felt the lashes of my own whip, as I pull it back from my target to strike again. I am not immune to my own acts of violence, because we are all one - just living in these separate bodies.
So what recourse do I have? I may live in fear of my next bit of outrageous behavior, or maybe, just maybe I can find within some compassion and forgiveness. Is there room to forgive myself for the pain I've inflicted? Might it be possible to look into the eyes of the lady in Panera, who paces the dining area talking loudly on the phone (with no one on the other end), and see a part of me with love? Can I dig deeply and find a place of compassion and acceptance for those around the world who believe so differently than I, and enact violence - disturbing their own peace, and causing hurt in their efforts to be heard?
I want to. I hope I can. And I know I must begin in my corner of the world - first with myself. I continue to learn that my actions have impact, and the story I tell myself about those actions - the judgments I make - that's where I crave my own forgiveness. I forgive myself for judging myself as "right, wrong, stupid, smarter, not loved, the favorite, the perpetrator, and the victim." Truly, the list goes on, but it's a start.
Now, I spend a moment looking outward. I'll begin with those closest to me, whether emotionally or physically (so it could include the Panera woman). I forgive myself for judging you as "crazy, stupid, insensitive, prejudice, socially awkward, needy, mean, and violent." Okay, this is good, because now I've got a new list to work with between me and me.
Remember, we are all one. If I am seeing and judging these things in another, they also exist within me. My work is to find those places within, and offer them love, forgiveness, and compassion. Remember the Trifecta? Those are the only three things I actually have control over, and when I offer them to myself a few things happen.
I allow more peace into my own life.
Other people treat me better, because I'm modeling how I treat me, and in turn, expect to be treated.
My self-love, compassion and forgiveness has ripple effects. Any one generous act squashes my violence in the kindest of ways. It's like having a really hard day, and wanting to act out, and instead getting to play with kittens or puppies - that kind of sweet unconditional love we all long for, and by allowing receipt of that kind of love, we can't help but spread it around.
So, I'm hoping to spread around a little love, beginning with some self-love, and may it ripple out to all those I don't know - to all those I don't understand - to all those in pain - to all those who need it and want it, and of course, to you. If you feel inspired to do so, I encourage you to spread a little love around today...tomorrow...and beyond, beginning with yourself. And may peace blanket our world through our compassionate actions.
With love and peace,
Joanne Lutz