What Matters
Do you matter? I know, what a silly question! Of course the answer is a resounding, "yes!" - right?
As Jamie Thurber and I prepare for the 2010 What's Next?! Workshop series, I'm increasingly aware of how brilliant and courageous it is when people behave as if they matter. Imagine taking the time to give yourself what you need. To make yourself a priority, carving out time for exploring who you are, allowing what you want, and accepting support in your journey.
When Bunny Duhl co-facilitated the Emotional Re-Education Workshop, she lead the group with a very simple statement, "I'm here for me, and I'm here for you." The phrase has carried on, long after Bunny's retirement as a facilitator.
Amazingly, this statement flies in the face of what many of us learned. Maybe you heard it from your mom, "Don't be selfish - Think of someone else first." If you are a person of faith, you may have learned to "Put God above all else." As a member of the military, protecting the safety and integrity of the unit matters most. So, why, then would anyone ever utter the phrase, "I'm here for me, and I'm here for you?"
My personal truth is this: I cannot be present for someone else, if I am not present for myself first. I liken it to the plane safety instructions, "place the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then help the person seated next to you."
So, I ask, do you matter enough to come first?
If you're a parent, it may feel quite difficult to imagine putting your own needs and wants before that of your child. But what happens when you don't get enough sleep? Or if you've gotten the kids fed, homework done, bathed, and into bed, and you still haven't eaten dinner? I don't know about you, but I know I get cranky when I'm tired and hungry! Jamie ducks when hunger strikes me during a meeting, because, as he says, "we've entered the cartoon world" and I view him like a nice roasted chicken! Without my most basic needs met, I am miserable. My clipped speech and unforgiving manner are telltale signs that I haven't heeded the "here for me, here for you" creed.
Consciousness Collaborative member, Lysa Wilkins, considers her time with Cini (her horse friend - pictured above) to be some of the most important time of her day. I know this because she rides Cini at 5:30 every morning - before she does anything else - even throughout the winter! For Lysa, the relationship between horse and human fuels the soul. In this way, Lysa shows up for herself first, and then extends her energetic warmth and enthusiasm to people in her life.
Consider what matters most to you. What do you feel nourishes your life force? Allow yourself to notice where that, which energizes you, falls on your priority list. If writing feeds you, start your day with it! If painting fills you with a sense of joy, don't let the laundry, the errands, and raking the leaves keep you from your own passion. And if you find yourself struggling with being first, allow support, discover why it's hard, and create an opening for something new. Because when you show up for yourself first, there is no sense of deprivation. Your fullness then extends freely to others, supporting them, as it has supported you.
I'm here for me and I'm here for you,
Joanne Lutz