Stamp Collections

A long-time friend loves her stamp collection. Not postage stamps - the press-in-ink-and-create-an-image kind of stamp. She crafts greeting cards and special gift wrappings with her variety of imprints. Through some magic I am not familiar with, she manages to change the color, texture, and sparkle value of each image. At the end of the day, though, she knows to expect the same pattern, because that's the one she selected.

What a perfect metaphor for how we live our lives. Well, perhaps I should not include you, but I find, too often, this is how I live my life. I manifest what I expect - what I've always gotten. Though the situations may appear different, the players I've invited to participate change, and seasons rotate; the imprint remains the same.

With awareness, I worked to change my expectations. Instead of anticipating a miserable and painful outcome because the other person just didn't get it, I believed if I prepared enough, I could make them see reason. Guess what, the result was still miserable and painful, because my agenda ruled the day. Perhaps a beginning, but not a true shift.

So, I identified and altered certain behaviors. Instead of getting angry or frightened in anticipation of what might happen, I wait until it actually happens, and then I get to feel angry and frightened. Well, that does give a little more space - and still that image appears again and again, maybe printed on more beautiful paper, but undeniably the same image.

Over many years, I sought to recognize, release, and update my foundational limiting beliefs. This, by far, allowed for the beginning of a sea change. For most of my life, I believed, "I don't have the right to exist." Unsurprisingly, this led to me attempting to prove again and again that I DID have a right to exist; but no matter what I accomplished, the foundation upon which I was building my dream house was faulty. Ultimately, anything I built crashed - either within me or in the greater world, because the limiting belief simply couldn't support the dream.

Within me, shades of that ancient belief may exist...and I know other beliefs remain, as yet, undiscovered, but it's kind of exciting to share with you that the "right to exist" belief hasn't felt like an active player for a while...she may be on the bench, but she's not on the field. That makes me smile, as I'm not sure I'd even realized this until now.

It reminds me of when I get one of those winter colds and just can't breathe. The worst happens when I desperately need sleep, and no air will make it through my nose passage. Each night, I feel miserable, waking with a sore throat and dark circles under my eyes. Until one morning my throat is not sore, but on that morning, I don't notice the absence. It's not until later that day or even the next day, that I realize, "oh, I'm on the mend." Noticing the absence of my limiting belief feels like that.

While my quest to excavate unknown foundational limiting beliefs continues, I still make unconscious use of my personal stamp collection. What the heck? If I've shifted the baseline, shouldn't everything else be different?

For me, the answer seems to be "yes and no." The paradigm absolutely shifts - has shifted - continues to shift. Now, though, my practice relates to surrendering control of the outcome. I don't mean giving up. I am empowered to choose an intention - a request to the universe and the greatest wisdom within me to manifest a feeling experience. I ask: "How do I want to feel about this experience? What am I seeking for myself?"

The practice of getting still, creating an intention, and surrendering control of the outcome is the scope of work offered at the Costa Rica Retreat: Embracing Magic. Since that's a seven day adventure, it's impossible to fully convey in this newsletter!

What I can offer is this: if I attach to what I perceive an outcome "should" be, then I restrict the possibilities. If I decide that my desired experience must look like the picture in my head, I am still struggling to control the result. And, if I am unwilling to be honest with myself about the experience I desire, then I haven't really done my part to offer clarity to my own vision.

Picture yourself driving in a dense fog along a curvy cliff. EEK! Except, that's a little bit of what it can feel like to surrender control of the outcome. It's "need to know - moment by moment." Mapquest has not revealed the twists and turns in advance. If you request a feeling a safety through the journey, and a soft place to land at the end. Then, who knows, maybe you'll discover your car is equipped with fog lights. Maybe there will be a car, just ahead, that you can safely follow out of the muck. Or perhaps your car will get stuck in the mud, forcing you to stay still, until the visibility is better. Any of those things (and more) would honor the desire to feel safe, and who knows what might be on the other side of this fog...are you willing to surrender to find out?

Releasing control, while gently holding an intention is like trading in your stamp collection for a free hand drawing. It may not come out quite the way you expect, and yet there is such richness in the experience of creation.

With love and surrender to the moment,
Joanne Lutz