Reverse Identity Theft
Remember that bit of wisdom - popular a few years ago - about the universe possessing a deaf ear to the word "not" or it's contraction counterparts? This includes don't, won't, and can't. The concept works this way: if you state, "I will not get sick" the universe hears, "I will get sick." The ether powers then respond to that energy. Interesting, right?
For years, I freely advertised that I was "not" an outdoor kind of gal. Then I went to the Costa Rican jungle and fell in love with the monkeys, the sloths, the insects, the rain, the thunder, and the lushness of giant green growth - everywhere! So, when leading my second retreat there a couple of years ago, one of the participants looked me in the eye and said, "I think you may have to re-calibrate that identity." Yup! Well, okay, so I'm kind of an outdoor person in the rainforest...
Then I volunteered at the Dell Cheetah Centre in South Africa (twice!), where 90% of my working hours, and many of my free hours, were spent outside. At any given moment, I could be found petting Shaka (my favorite cheetah), cleaning out the bunny enclosures, trekking around the grounds delivering meals to birds, servals, a caracal, and the cheetahs, babysitting a black-backed jackal, or raking zebra poop! Hmm...well, okay, but that's because tending to, and interacting with, fabulous animals is special...
And, of course, you know about my experience of camping in the Grand Canyon. True, I feel COMPLETE with my camping experiences, because I do LOVE plumbing...still, maybe it is time to shift this identity. I am a selective outdoorsy kind of woman. Cool! I can get with that.
Granted, each time I opened to a new experience, a choice point preceded it. In these cases, I chose to stretch in some way or another. Usually the lure was disguised. Costa Rica seemed exotic and warm. I had no inkling of my connection to the jungle. South Africa had cheetahs! There's really nothing more to say about that. And the Grand Canyon offered BIG-ness and white water rapids (which I already knew I enjoyed...okay, yes, an argument can be made about that being an outdoor thing).
If I may, allow me to share a few of my other "don't / won't / can't" identities with you:
I don't watch tennis. Other than my ability to recite a few famous tennis player names, I've got nothing.
I don't drink wine. In fact, I barely drink at all. Maybe a frozen mudslide or margarita once every 12-24 months.
I don't do tours. Ugh...having to be part of a group of strangers while someone is talking at me...shoot me now.
I don't like New York City. I went several times over the course of many years - wanting to enjoy the BIG city. It didn't work.
Except...
Madison Square Park, NYC
A couple of years ago, my husband and I made plans to see Rob Thomas perform at the Count Bassie Theater in NJ. With a bit of luck, I scored free tickets to the Jimmy Fallon monologue rehearsal. We had so much fun visiting the city together, the next year we bought tickets to a show at Madison Square Garden, and spent three days wandering around, eating great food, and purchasing last minute tickets to see the Broadway musical, Kinky Boots. It turns out, I find New York City delightful with the right company, and enough money!
Tours...the first time I visited Costa Rica, I discovered the Jaguar Rescue Center. For the comfort and protection of the Center's animals, visitors are permitted only as part of one of two daily tours. Well, I do have a thing for animals, so perhaps we just have to make an exception across the board when it comes to beautiful creatures. In total, I've been on that tour five times so far. What about when it's not animals? Last spring, I traveled to Chicago for a long weekend with a friend. He really wanted to do the architectural tour of the city from the river. "I don't do tours," but figured, what the heck, it's a way to spend time with my friend. It was awesome! Despite needing to bundle on the boat, the perspective and information enchanted me. My friend appreciates all manner of architecture, and having shared this activity, I better understand his interest. In fact, I'm just back from a three week holiday in Australia, and I wish my friend had been able to join us for the Sydney portion, because the Sydney Opera House (which I toured!) is a marvel - just spectacular - more so, knowing some of the controversy that surrounds it's creation. It turns out, my unquenchable thirst to learn about new things, even when I didn't know they might be of interest to me, are well suited to tours!
This dovetails nicely with the wine that I don't drink. While on this Australian holiday, we spent a week in Mollymook. Most people have never heard of this town in New South Wales, but it fit geographically as a resting point. After exciting times in Melbourne, the Grampians, and the sights along Great Ocean Road, I feared I might be bored. In truth, my husband and I both felt grateful for the down time, and when we wondered what might be worth seeing in the area, we found Cupitt's Winery, Micro-brewery and Cheesery. And guess what? They offered a tour! So, I figured, I could learn about making wine, beer, and cheese, and hopefully tolerate tasting the wines poured as part of the excursion. The entire operation - from the growing grapes to the gorgeous restaurant were all born from the creative mind of one woman. She has since enlisted the assistance of her entire family, as she nourishes her latest passion - cheese making. Her son, Wally, guided our tour, and at the end I tasted...wait for it...13 different wines! And you know what - wine is still gross!
Serena Williams at the Australian Open
And then the tennis... When producing this trip to Australia, I remained completely blind to any goings-on for the duration of our stay. My husband, having just finished the Bruce Springsteen biography, learned that Bruce would be playing in Sydney while we were there, so he captured a ticket. That was the ONLY actual plan for the entire trip. We had a few other ideas and hopes, but we discovered years ago, the most fun happens when we play it loose and step into the unknown.
Upon arriving at our Airbnb in St. Kilda (part of Melbourne), we learned that the Australian Open was in full swing. Our host suggested we might purchase day passes to see some of the lesser matches for short money. Hmm, but, we "don't do" tennis. We decided to raise the ante on our limited identities, and excitedly witnessed Serena Williams - a mere 30 feet from us - winning her quarter finals match, before going on to win the tournament in the women's singles category! As a bonus, a British woman, who'd relocated to Australia years before, sat beside me in the stands, and willingly offered valuable tips to follow the game. It was seriously cool! Watching a variety of women, Serena, in particular, poised and grounded in their gifts - wow! Tennis, who knew?!
Any chance you are on this step with me? If so, I suspect you've labeled yourself in some way. Perhaps you, too, created an identity that no longer fits. If you've got a list of don't(s), can't(s), and won't(s), these limiting beliefs create a kind of reverse identity theft. They lock you into a self-imposed label, and steal your authenticity, your daring, and willingness to step up when unexpected opportunities present themselves.
If you'd like to shift paradigms - jot down five "not" statements. Beginning with the first, ask: "What if that is false? How might I experiment to discover my current truth?" Then try things on - make choices - take risks, and notice if your self-labeling might need to be re-calibrated. And, get ready to have some fun in the process!
With love and encouragement,
Joanne Lutz