Not My Business
Clients in transition commonly ask, "What am I here for? What is my purpose?" This tricky question rarely yields the desired answer, which, presumably, dispels all future unknowns in one easy bite. My responses, while unscripted, usually mirror what I tell myself:
1. "The key is to live on purpose, rather than with an agenda of what you must do. Remember, you are a human being, not a human doing. Your value is inherent, it's not a result of what you accomplish."
2. "Chances are, the universe has upgraded you to a need-to-know-basis. When this happens, it's a call to self-trust and leaning into your intuitive knowing (this is BIG work!). I've noticed, at this stage, I'm only given one ingredient at a time. The key, for me, is knowing, 'oh, that's one of my ingredients.' So, when the metaphorical flour appears, my job is to claim it as mine. I still don't know if I'm making cake, biscuits, or casserole - that's not my business yet. It's about that one next step, and a willingness to following my path, until the next turn reveals itself. " About that time, I often extend an invitation to view this Oprah video.
3. "In a very real way, your purpose is not your business. If you are living authentically - stretching into your discomfort zone - allowing yourself to be vulnerable in the face of fear (aka: living courageously), then trust you are having an impact, just by being you. What form that may take is often not for you to know, it requires a kind of faith that you are touching people in powerful and unexpected ways."
4. And, if all of those fail to penetrate, I borrow the words of Richard Bach, from his book, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. "Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't." In my early 20's, I worked at The TAB newspaper selling advertising. During my tenure, Frank (the new guy) and I worked closely together and became friends. The relationship, while odd and tangled, also possessed a click of undeniable connection. As a mark of that link, he bought me the Illusions book, because it spoke to him.
Countless times over the past 30 years, when I've gone down the rabbit hole of "what am I even doing here?!" I've reminded myself of the truth: if I'm here - there is a reason. Just because I can't see it in the moment, doesn't make it less true. When people thought the earth was flat, it didn't make the planet less round. Truth is truth, whether we see it or not. That one line touched me deeply, and while I likely butcher the exactness, I recite the essence of that message periodically to my clients.
At that early stage of my life, I would have danced far and fast from the notion of coaching people. I had at least four different careers between The TAB and my current calling - seriously, coaching was nowhere on my radar! And, truth be told, reading seemed like work back then. It's only because of my relationship with Frank, that I gave Bach a whirl.
Did that one book change my life path? Perhaps not singularly, but I believe it was one of the ingredients in this life-soufflé I'm creating (still don't know if it's sweet or savory...or if it will flop, and I'll need to start again!). Has the spirit of that quote impacted anyone I've ever worked with? I don't know; that's not my business. I share it from my heart space, and I believe that adds weight. I'm also keenly aware and appreciative of the miracle that I get paid to walk along side people, holding the flashlight in the dark, while they locate their inner light switch (and realize the light was always on - the key is ratcheting up that dimmer!).
About a billion years have passed since I last spoke with Frank. As you can imagine, he hasn't a clue of his impact. Not only in gifting me the book, but in allowing himself to be seen, by sharing something that touched his heart. It's not his business to know (although, it could be fun to tell him). His business was taking that one brave step to reveal his vulnerability.
Did Frank's opinion sway me? Perhaps a bit. More, I believe the key that opened the door was his willingness to share his authentic self with me, and those prose that inspired and touched him. I easily could have rejected or made fun of him and the book...and, knowing how I entered the world at that time, I probably did both! If you think I'm a pill now, you should have known me back then. It's a wonder I had any friends.
In that courageous moment, Frank lived on purpose. And through his willingness to take a risk, and expose some of his tender underbelly, he has unwittingly touched countless people through the butterfly effect. Does Richard Bach get credit for writing the words? Of course! Does my re-telling matter? Absolutely. Because, in three distinctive ways, we've shared ourselves openly - and that's powerful magic!
Unless you're new to these newsletters, you've read many times about the ways I endeavor to be authentically me. Then, I fall down, and you hear about that, too. Sometimes, I stay down for a little while...or a long while. Eventually, often with support I've sought out, I get back up. In this life classroom, the universe and some of its willing inhabitants (me included) have granted me permission to both, learn from and offer occasional wisdom nuggets to some friends, family, and clients, who inspire me to stretch and be braver than I could possibly be without the example of their courage.
It's not my business to know where I'll land next. It's not my business to see how my contributions impact others. It is my business to know that I have an impact. It matters that I recognize I am here on purpose, and with that in mind, I strive to act with integrity. By integrity, I mean the wholeness of me, with all of the insecurities derived from both my triumphs and disasters; my distinctive energy signature and what aligns with it; the myriad of gifts I'm empowered to share; and with my inner crazy right out there for the world to see - in short - all of what makes me vulnerable.
I believe, entering life exposed - willing to be seen and heard - is far more powerful and inspiring, than defended and hidden. The former invites others to connect and participate from their own unguarded spaces. The latter keeps a nearly impenetrable wall up, creating hierarchies and isolation tanks. Allowing oneself to be seen is nurtured by self-love, while the defensive armor feeds on the fear/control-freakery loop.
To live into your true power means allowing your authenticity (watch this TEDx talk for clear examples) and understanding what IS your business and what's NOT. Very often, we get out of our own lane. We insert our unsolicited opinions. We take on the criticism of others as truth. And we predetermine the outcome, instead of opening to a possibility greater than we might conceive. Minding my own business, and leaving the rest, is incredibly freeing...when I manage it. The work is on-going. I know this: while I inhabit this body on this earth, I'm meant to be here. And so are you!
With love,
Joanne Lutz