Light Or Shiny?
In Malcom Gladwell's book, "Outliers," he introduces the "10,000 hour rule." The concept asserts a requirement for success, specifically, a minimum of 10,000 hours practicing whatever it is you hope to master. Various experts shred this notion, suggesting that time, alone, will not determine expertise. Depending upon the source, additional components include: innate talent, the time in history, and most agree, there is an unknown X factor.
For most of our life together, my husband, Mark, has been a real estate professional, accumulating above and beyond Gladwell's 10,000 hour requirement. Granted, my opinion might be biased, but I'd say he's an outlier in the industry. Without question, the market knowledge and professionalism he possesses qualify him as an expert, but he's got something else...what the Urban Dictionary describes as, "...that 'thing' that makes an individual stand out. Captures your full attention. Side Effect- People are dumbfounded when in the presence of the X-factor."
Over time, I've watched the flow of work shift from the hit-it-and-quit-it model of doing business, knocking off as many transactions as possible in the least amount of time, to a well loved ministry. Mark serves his clients as though they are parishioners of his real estate congregation. With enduring effort, gentle guidance, and a wealth of knowledge, he supports folks through one of the most stressful life events we experience.
I know, this is what real estate agents are supposed to do, I used to be one! So, seriously, I get it. And while conscientious as a Realtor, overall, it didn't light me up. Spending ten years in the industry, I witnessed only a few firecrackers, burning from the inside destined to be of service in this way, my husband being one of them.
As a result of divorce, for nearly a quarter century, Mark carried the responsibility of supporting two households. This might explain the initial "turn and burn" sales style he adopted, simply to survive. But, even before he could glance at those weighted years in the rearview mirror, he took a risk and converted his business model from one of scarcity to abundance. He transformed, from being what he thought people would want him to be, to showing up as his sincere self. And with that internal evolution, I witnessed an external shift, from grinding it out to loving his work.
For Mark, the most profound change in his business life didn't only happen professionally. When he took the leap, revealing his true self, it happened everywhere! Early in his real estate career, my husband experienced the challenges of sacrificing relationships for income. Having survived the early years of the professional (and consequently, personal) wringer, choosing the path of authenticity likely saved his life. Because, approaching the business with a "must be what they want" bent, drained him of his essential energy...like watching him fade to gray in a full color world. He was burying his X Factor!
These days, he may occasionally hit the dimmer switch when he's in a crappy mood at home, and still, I see the glow within. Mark is simply lighter...or perhaps more accurately...that spark inside has many fewer layers protecting it. Recently, we talked about one of his colleagues who hired a publicity agent to promote a grander, shinier image to the world. He said, "a part of me would like that...the ego boost." And I replied, "yeah, I don't buy it. You tried that route. You are so much happier being the light than you are being shiny."
As Mark steeps in this tea of authenticity, an amazing thing continues to happen. People - clients, co-workers, management - seek him out. They ask for his help, support, and advice, and they hire him to manage the purchase or sale of their most valued and emotionally charged possession. These folks, delighted by the opportunity to work with Mark, wonder how his last vacation was and where he's going next. And, they seem to admire his ability to maintain a prospering business, while exploring the globe and enjoying his family, friends, and personal interests.
Most of all, I suspect, they feel safe with Mark. I think it's because people are attracted to the light, and when embodying his authentic self, he emanates that fire within - his X factor! Think about what you do when the house is black as pitch and you hear a strange noise. Do you reach for the light to feel safe? Well, I think that's what happens with Mark, his genuineness manifests as a beacon of safety in a profession that often believes "It is better to look good than to feel good."
Walking this path requires such courage! Through this journey he acquired a deep understanding of the importance of work/life equilibrium. I think this balance crystallized when he learned that he matters, regardless of his outward success. His value is no longer linked to what he can produce or how he is perceived; this knowing of inherent worth is evident in his body, mind, and spirit. It cannot be taken away as a result of a bad year. It cannot be diminished by trying something new, and failing. It cannot be lost, because it simply IS.
What a fantastic model of growth and bravery I live with! I see a rare and beautiful creature in an industry comprised of a largely cynical and slippery populace. Do I sound proud? I am. Am I boasting? Maybe. More, I'm this guys biggest fan, and as he's about to embark on something new, I feel a little giddy with excitement.
During this 22 year stretch, Mark has worked with a partner, a team, and individually. Each iteration presented its own challenges and growth opportunities. Now, armed with vast real estate experience, years of being personally coached by some of the most provocative folks on the planet, and with his own coaching certification in hand, Mark is building a new real estate team. He's gathering a diverse blend of folks who will measure success as the wholeness of their life experience - not just the numbers on the board. At this turn in his personal labyrinth, he's inviting a dynamic shift that will allow the real estate congregation he serves to grow substantially - because a new generation of "ministers" choose to operate with integrity, poise, and authenticity - all supported by Mark's mentorship and expertise. It's kind of mind-blowing!
After years of witnessing colleagues who never take time off, who complain to connect, and those who hire professional photographers to follow them around at events, so that images of a powerful and beautiful life may grace the newsfeeds of Facebook and Instagram...all while their health deteriorates and that little piece of soul, that's been sold, takes an infinite toll on the human spirit...Mark's new business model flies in the face of these trends. While lots of real estate teams exist, he's creating a space for individuals willing to work diligently, nourish brilliantly, and rest deeply. Not the typical cocktail!
I wish I could tell you that Mark just flipped a switch one day...that day he took the leap...and boom, he stepped into his authenticity forevermore. Alas, it happens one step at a time; one choice at a time; one moment of being vulnerable at a time. With practice, well, it may not become exactly easier, but it does become the new habit. And with this habit comes a space for work, play, spiritual practice, new stretches, family time, volunteer and donation opportunities...such abundance!
I believe every person possesses the power to choose an authentic life. It requires courage; and the route is almost never linear. Yet, despite the scrapes and bruises that come from falling down, no thing is better than standing up in, and as, your true self.
Along the way, Mark surrendered to every kind of help available. So many acts of bravery! Perhaps you, too, wish to blaze a trail for the YOU who is waiting to be revealed? Take one action today - one step of vulnerability. You might speak a truth, even with fear it may rock the boat. You may ask for help, when you believe you "should be able to do it alone." Or you could allow someone to see that you're hurting, instead of that brave, shiny face you've been hiding behind. Take that one step, and allow your light to fuel your spirit, while providing gentle illumination for the road next to yours. Your fellow travelers will be grateful, even when they may not recognize that YOU are the source of light, helping them to find their own.
With love,
Joanne Lutz
One final note - If Mark is the sort of person you'd like helping you buy or sell a home or rental property, feel free to reach out to him. He is a great guy to have on your side in any real estate transaction. Similarly, if you, or someone you know has a real estate license, and would like to explore what it means to be part of a team, with a mentor encouraging your work/life equilibrium (cannot convey how rare and valuable this is), reach out to him! Mark Lesses: 617-974-9275 or Mark@MarkLesses.com