A Wonderful Life

Kristen on the Inca Trail at Warmiwanusqa (Dead Woman's Pass)

A day before the world began mourning the passing of David Bowie, a lesser known star departed this earthly realm. To the best of my knowledge, she did not leave behind a catalog of brilliant melodies. Truthfully, I didn't know her well enough to even tell you if she sang. This woman will not be immortalized in a series of beloved stories on film, like Alan Rickman. And yet, she touched many lives in her magical way, mine included.

About 13 years ago, when I worked as a real estate agent, I held an open house at a new condominium conversion in Arlington. I didn't know at the time that I would come to live in that home for ten years, nor did I have any idea how many real-estate-relationships I would form with the folks visiting that particular open house. One of those connections was with the Garrigus family.

Back then, Marc and Kristen were a young couple with one son. While the place we met didn't quite suit them (not enough yard!), we did find an adorable Cape that fitted their family well. Several years later, a second son made them a lovely foursome. With two growing boys and many family gatherings, including an abundance of cousins and other extended family, Kristen and Marc believed it was time for a little more elbow room. They honored me with the opportunity to market and sell the home they'd poured so much love into, and to help them find the next "fit."

It's funny, I don't know how many people I worked with over my eleven year real estate career, but my style involved getting personal. I think that's the nature of the business, because we're talking about a big financial and emotional investment. Me being me, that meant a lot of time with my clients, often in their house, on the phone, or in my car. When I sent this to Marc for his review, he said, "I remember Kristen had to buy more minutes, because she was on the phone with you so much!"

In partnering with Marc and Kristen, we sorted through what truly mattered to meet their family's needs, and sought to meet those with as little stress as possible. But the truth is, there was always stress.

It's hard to strip down your house, so that someone else can potentially see it as their own. As part of my job, after a listing contract was signed, I walked through every home with the sellers to point out exactly what steps to take to make their home the most marketable to buyers. This could be a long process, and many were daunted by the tasks set for them. And then there was Kristen Garrigus.

This stay-at-home, mother of two, gave me that slightly exasperated look - one she had clearly mastered over a life time - and dug in. While one son attended grammar school and the other took a nap, Kristen poured herself into "the list." She de-cluttered, painted, cleaned, moved furniture, bought lemons and flowers, and any other thing I asked, she did. In my opinion, being a stay-at-home mom is probably the hardest job out there. Where do you collect your appreciation? Who ever gives you a raise for a job well done? What kind of social interactions are you afforded?

The thing about Kristen, even when she felt the stress of leaving her home neat as a pin, despite living with two young boys, she exemplified grace under fire. She was smart, funny, full of love for her family, diligent in anything she set her mind to, and whatever was asked of her, she'd do more. I got the sense that this "more" came from a deep well of pride and energy. If people were going to see her home, they would see it at its best - which she managed to make even better than I'd requested.

In the search for the new family home, Kristen possessed this level headed approach. It's not that she wasn't emotionally invested, it's that she could see beyond. Her ability to believe enough in herself and her family unit, meant that the house didn't have to be "perfect" for them to make it a home. The love would do that. Well, the love, some vision, and a bunch of elbow grease. I so appreciated that practical way she had.

Kristen and Marc at Macchu Piccu

Together, she and Marc made a great team. In my experience, Marc's temperature ran a little hotter. It felt like such a nice balance for Kristen's cool water attitude. If Marc got a little more animated than might be truly helpful in a business moment, Kristen seemed to sprinkle a bit of her refreshing fairy dust on the room, and took the temperature down. Similarly, she could catch Marc's wave of excitement, and ride it with him. It was quite beautiful to witness.

Here's the thing about this short memorial to Kristen. I didn't know her well. In fact, I probably haven't spoken to her in eight years. Marc and I are Facebook friends, but it's just flashes of connection here and there, because my place in their lives had a finite purpose. It turns out, though, that Kristen's place in mine is greater than I realized. I can hear her warm, round voice, as I write this, and see her smile, just as easily as that look of exasperation. And I feel sad knowing that I don't share the earth with her any more. From what I've read, she added so much to so many, in particular, her commitment to raise her boys to be loving men. Her sweetness, her humor, her practical nature, her boundless energy and resourcefulness...I've been touched by all of it.

All of this reminds me of Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life." I suspect that Kristen would never have imagined that her death would impact her Realtor from many years before, and yet, that was the magic of her. She did, she has, she does - just because she appeared to be authentically herself - that truly touches me.

So, I offer you this: please be your true and authentic self - whatever form that may take, because you simply don't know who your essence may impact. In fact, they may not even know for years to come, and still being who you really are - that vulnerability - leaves a powerful footprint.

Kristen Garrigus died of cancer on January 9th. At 43, she left behind a loving husband (who gave me permission to share my experience of Kristen in this newsletter), two sons, her parents, and many other cherished family members and friends.

With love and appreciation for those who bravely enter the world authentically,
Joanne Lutz